Tuesday, May 29, 2012
5/29/12
Well today is 5/29/12, I went to the gym today and done 30 minutes on the Precor. and another 30 minutes doing reps on my biceps, triceps, and inner/outer thighs. I tried to do the sauna but it was completely cool in there so I didn't want to waste the time! I drank 2 protein shakes instead of eating breakfast or lunch and then ate a 6 inch sub from Subway for dinner. I did eat a few cookies and some milk but other than that I was good...tomorrow church and babysitting.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The beginning of the journey.
Hi, I just want to start by saying that I know that to say just lose the weight and you'll be feel better is easy to say but it is not easy to do. A lot of it has to do with mental and physical capacities, in which, most obese people don't have. They say that your mental cravings will overrun your knowing that you need to put down those chips to lose weight. I have to agree with this.
For example, I went to the gym last night first time in about 9 years. I was so gun ho about this that when I got home I drank a huge glass of chocolate milk. That made me so sad that I could scream but its like I know that would settle down the cravings. Then I get up this morning and make me a protein shake and doing good when all of a sudden I make pancakes for the kids to eat and of course they smell good so I make me some as well. Then I had milk left so I have to have something salty so I grab some chips and dip. I mean wear does this cycle end? For some reason, I self destruct myself every time I do something good for myself. Is it that I don't deserve it? I have come so far from everything in my life. But this is one area that I can't seem to shake.
Do you ever secretly eat? I started doing this when I was real little. I can remember taking my mom's Pepsi and getting up at the crack of dawn and drinking it and not even share it with my sister. I don't know why except that our mom wouldn't let us eat a lot of sweets. We didn't have a lot of money but she would home make us a dessert here and there. And that's technically more than we needed, but you know how kids are.
Then my mom and dad got divorced when I turned 13 it was a big change because we moved to Georgia and our lives were totally changed. My mom and her cousins and all of us 7 kids lived in a house for a while and times would get so tough that we would have to eat water gravy ugh!!! It was nasty!! But mom eventually got us out of there and we moved into our own place. We moved several schools during this time so that was really hard on me. West Virginia's schools were so behind Georgia's academics so I was trying to catch up big time and still having to deal with the new home life. It was very hard but I survived and we stayed in the same school until graduation.
My mom remarried the love of her life and they had another baby and that was great we loved her so much!! My mom and step dad bought us a place to live and we finally settled in there. When I was a senior in high school, My life would change forever! My thyroid quit working completely! I didn't even know that we had a thyroid must less know what it was. But the doctor finally got it somewhat under control. When I turned 18, I moved out and started working night shift at a carpet mill. So that changes your whole life around. I personally don't feel that your body is cut out to work at night. I mean we would go to work at 7 pm and get off at 7 am. We had a 30 min. drive each way so that's 13 hours 3 - 4 days a week. That didn't leave much time to eat so we would grab something to eat on the way. (Hamburgers, fries, tacos, burritos, etc) What ever was quickest and then we would grab breakfast on the way home. My job there was physical but tiring. So now all of the weight that I had gained from when my thyroid and all of the weight that I am gaining from all of this eating out makes my weight out of control!
My brother-in-law which is also my pastor resigned his church in Georgia and was voted to take over a church here in Virginia. My husband and I decided to move there as well. We settled in pretty good and we adopted the most wonderful son ever. I decided that I needed to lose weight and get healthy because he deserved to have a happy healthy mom.
Last year, I went on the South Beach diet and quit drinking Mt. Dew and lost down to 245. I then got comfortable and gained 23 pounds back through the Holidays and such. So here I am starting again. I have met with my surgeon and got my case started with the insurance to have gastric bypass surgery. I can't wait until I can have my new tool to assist me with my diet. I know its not going to be easy but its a road that I need to travel to get healthy. I have to break this eating pattern or I'm going to die!
For example, I went to the gym last night first time in about 9 years. I was so gun ho about this that when I got home I drank a huge glass of chocolate milk. That made me so sad that I could scream but its like I know that would settle down the cravings. Then I get up this morning and make me a protein shake and doing good when all of a sudden I make pancakes for the kids to eat and of course they smell good so I make me some as well. Then I had milk left so I have to have something salty so I grab some chips and dip. I mean wear does this cycle end? For some reason, I self destruct myself every time I do something good for myself. Is it that I don't deserve it? I have come so far from everything in my life. But this is one area that I can't seem to shake.
Do you ever secretly eat? I started doing this when I was real little. I can remember taking my mom's Pepsi and getting up at the crack of dawn and drinking it and not even share it with my sister. I don't know why except that our mom wouldn't let us eat a lot of sweets. We didn't have a lot of money but she would home make us a dessert here and there. And that's technically more than we needed, but you know how kids are.
Then my mom and dad got divorced when I turned 13 it was a big change because we moved to Georgia and our lives were totally changed. My mom and her cousins and all of us 7 kids lived in a house for a while and times would get so tough that we would have to eat water gravy ugh!!! It was nasty!! But mom eventually got us out of there and we moved into our own place. We moved several schools during this time so that was really hard on me. West Virginia's schools were so behind Georgia's academics so I was trying to catch up big time and still having to deal with the new home life. It was very hard but I survived and we stayed in the same school until graduation.
My mom remarried the love of her life and they had another baby and that was great we loved her so much!! My mom and step dad bought us a place to live and we finally settled in there. When I was a senior in high school, My life would change forever! My thyroid quit working completely! I didn't even know that we had a thyroid must less know what it was. But the doctor finally got it somewhat under control. When I turned 18, I moved out and started working night shift at a carpet mill. So that changes your whole life around. I personally don't feel that your body is cut out to work at night. I mean we would go to work at 7 pm and get off at 7 am. We had a 30 min. drive each way so that's 13 hours 3 - 4 days a week. That didn't leave much time to eat so we would grab something to eat on the way. (Hamburgers, fries, tacos, burritos, etc) What ever was quickest and then we would grab breakfast on the way home. My job there was physical but tiring. So now all of the weight that I had gained from when my thyroid and all of the weight that I am gaining from all of this eating out makes my weight out of control!
My brother-in-law which is also my pastor resigned his church in Georgia and was voted to take over a church here in Virginia. My husband and I decided to move there as well. We settled in pretty good and we adopted the most wonderful son ever. I decided that I needed to lose weight and get healthy because he deserved to have a happy healthy mom.
Last year, I went on the South Beach diet and quit drinking Mt. Dew and lost down to 245. I then got comfortable and gained 23 pounds back through the Holidays and such. So here I am starting again. I have met with my surgeon and got my case started with the insurance to have gastric bypass surgery. I can't wait until I can have my new tool to assist me with my diet. I know its not going to be easy but its a road that I need to travel to get healthy. I have to break this eating pattern or I'm going to die!
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